# What the Fuck Was I Thinking? ##### On starting things, changing my mind and learning that not every idea needs to work out  --- Do you ever start something and then immediately wonder, “What was I thinking?” Like, seriously, “What the actual fuck was I thinking?” Welcome to my life. This isn’t a one-time thing either. Oh no. I repeat this pattern over and over again. I have an idea. I get all excited. Plan it out. Create it. Launch it. And then I realise one of three things: 1. This isn’t what I actually want 2. This is way too much work (and I’m all about ease these days) 3. This isn’t at all what I thought it was going to be like --- ## The rollercoaster of realisation On the surface, everything looks great. But there’s this little voice in the back of my mind that keeps saying “this isn’t working” and “you really don’t have the time”. And I hate hearing it. Why? Because I hate when things don’t go the way I imagined. There’s a bit of shame in this whole thing. Like “Here we go again. Another thing that I can’t follow through on.” But there’s also a massive relief because those things tend to take up so much time and energy that I could be using elsewhere. So yeah, part of me feels guilty for wanting to quit something. But another part of me is incredibly fucking proud when I actually listen to myself. --- ## What I’m about these days %%[[Ready, Fire, Aim]]%% Here’s the thing – After years of being afraid, of not doing something until it’s perfect, I’ve adopted the phrase *‘Ready, Fire, Aim’*. And yes you read that right. Ready. FIRE. Aim. I’m all about just putting shit out into the world right now. I don’t care if it’s messy or half-baked. Ideas are meant to be tested. Played with. And, if necessary, scrapped. I’ve been working on letting go of this toxic need for everything to be perfect (because – fuck perfectionism). So again, these days, my process looks a little like this: - Step One: Have an idea. Any idea. Throw that shit out into the world. - Step Two: See what happens. No expectations, just curiosity. - Step Three: Adjust as needed. It’s super simple. But damn it takes a load off my shoulders when I stop obsessing about everything going perfectly. And because I’m putting more ideas out into the world, because I’m starting more things, it also means that I’m going to mess things up much more. Although this brings me to my next point… --- ## There’s no such thing as failure, only learning I’ve said this a million times, and I’ll say it again – I don’t believe in mistakes or failure. There’s only learning. (This is something I keep reminding myself of – because trust me, I need it). If you’re a creative like me, I know you’ve got a million ideas. Some of them will be absolute gold. Others will be not so much. And actually, I’d probably go as far as to say that most of your ideas (and mine) will be absolute shit. But how do we know this unless we put them out into the world? Ideas on paper are just that – ideas. --- ## Moving forward (without the bullshit) When I put my ideas into the world, I’m not 100% sure if it’s going to work or if it’s even what I want. And that’s kind of the beauty of it. I’m learning to trust the process more, to be okay with the unknown, and to let go of the need for everything to be perfectly figured out. There’s a freedom in knowing that we don’t have to stick with something just because we started it. We don’t owe anyone that kind of commitment. Especially if it’s draining us in ways we didn’t anticipate. It’s okay to pivot. To change course. And to own that decision *without* feeling like a failure. And for everyone who’s been part of this ever-evolving journey of mine – thank you. Seriously. Thank you! You’ve been along for the ride through all my messy, fucked-up attempts to figure it out. And I couldn’t appreciate you more.