# Owning the Busy ##### Managing stress like an ER Doctor  --- Last week, life went full chaos mode. Alongside the usual goings on of work, family, and general life admin, we got hit with stomach bugs, colds, and even a hospital visit. Just for good measure, obviously. It was one of those weeks where everything could be described as “Crazy Busy.” Then I listened to [Darria Long's Ted Talk](https://youtu.be/by5oCr8bQ5E) , *How to manage your stress like an ER doctor*. %%[[stop using the term Crazy Busy]]%% Long says "Crazy Busy" is a phrase you will never hear her use despite the fact that she works in an emergency room. And it's a term she wants everyone else to stop using, too. %%[[when we are in Crazy Busy Mode we are less capable of handling the busy]]%% Her point is that calling it Crazy Busy can make us less capable of actually *handling* the busy. Because when everything seems urgent, it becomes harder to think clearly about what *actually* needs our attention. When our stress hormones rise, our memory, judgement and impulse control deteriorate. And the parts of our brain responsible for anger and anxiety – they become activated. --- ## Crazy Busy vs Ready Mode %%[[we all process stress in the same way but how we react to it is up to us]]%% We can't always control what lands on our plate. But we *can* decide how we respond. We can choose to perceive ourselves as Crazy Busy. Or we can choose to see ourselves – as Long suggests – as being in "Ready Mode". %%[[Ready Mode means knowing that whatever happens, we can handle it]]%% Of course, being in Ready Mode doesn't mean the busy disappears. Instead it means knowing that no matter what happens – we can handle it. >[!quote] Darria Long > Even on those days when you would swear you were being punked, we're not afraid of it. Because we know that whatever comes in through those ER double doors, that we can handle it. That we're ready. That's Ready Mode. --- ## Know your reds %%[[we need to relentlessly triage the things we have to do]]%% Long also says we need to be triaging all the things we have to do in our lives. Just as they do in the emergency room. %%[[when we are Crazy Busy Mode we react to everything as if it is life threatening]]%% Why? Because when we are in Crazy Busy Mode we react to every task, every to-do, and every challenge, with the same response – URGENT! But in Ready Mode, we triage and prioritise by *degree* of urgency. In medical terms, red means someone needs help right now. Yellow is serious but can wait. And green can wait longer. Hence, we need to know our own reds. Just as they do in the ER. %%[[we can't do everything but we can triage]]%% Because the fact is, we cannot do everything all at once. And nor do we need to. Instead, we need to triage. What truly needs our attention right now? What can wait til later? What can we put on hold indefinitely? %%[[some tasks need taking off your list]]%% Long also talks about "black" tasks. The things that we can take off our list altogether. Because if we keep these on and try to do everything, we have no hope of saving our reds. --- ## Getting out of my own head %%[[problems come when we let our inner thoughts take over]]%% The other thing that Long talks about are the thoughts that come in to our head during Crazy Busy times. Ones that make the situation feel even bigger. The anger, the anxiety, the fear. And real problems arise when we let our inner thoughts take over. When we worry about what we haven't done. When we worry about what's next. Or how we're supposed to fit everything in. %%[[get out of your own head by actively putting your focus on someone or something else]]%% %%[[compassion can help us get out of our own way]]%% But Long says this doesn't have to be the case. Not when we actively put our focus on someone or something else. When we turn our attention to something outside ourselves. This doesn't mean ignoring the stress or pretending everything is fine. Obviously. But I know that when I notice the person in front of me, instead of all the things on my to-do list, I get out of my own way and let compassion guide me instead. It isn't always easy to do. Not when you have a million and one things to do. And you feel like everything is falling apart (including you). But I know that when I do this, it makes the world of difference. --- ## Putting it into practice %%[[own the busy but stop calling it crazy]]%% Funnily enough, as I was writing this, I got a call from school. My eldest wasn't feeling well and I needed to pick him up. Suddenly, everything I had planned to do for the rest of the day – and possibly the week – would have to move. I could have gone straight into Crazy Busy mode, trying to work out how to fit a sick child into an already full list of "urgent" things. But instead, I triaged. My son became my red. Everything else could wait. Or change. Or come off the list entirely. It didn't make the week any less busy. I still had a sick child to look after and other things that needed doing. But it changed how I *saw* things. My son wasn't just another task to squeeze in. He was my red. The person who needed me. And I realise that's what "owning the busy" means for me. It's not about pretending I have my shit together. Or that I can do everything at once. Instead it's recognising that life *is* busy. But when I step into Ready Mode instead of Crazy Busy mode, I can work out what matters *right now.* I can give *that* my attention. I can let compassion lead the way. And know that no matter what happens – I'll handle it.