# How Anxiety & Me Are Going To New York ##### A story about travel anxiety, procrastifuckery and celebrating the tiniest victories  --- I'm heading to New York in November with my sister and mum, and guess what? I'm in charge of organising it. Not because they don't want to. But because I *need* to take control over all of this. --- ## Why do I need to be in control? I'll be honest with you – I'm petrified of travelling. It's something I need to work through. I'm guessing it's because I'm *Neurodivergent* (something I’ve recently come to realise). Plus being sensitive to, well – *everything –* plays a part. As does *social anxiety.* So being in control makes me feel like I can look after my needs a little more. But here's the thing – I've realised I want to see the world. And to do that, *I need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.* --- ## My next step So, next on my NYC to-do list was booking the taxis and the visit to The Summit. Everything else was pretty much sorted. But I'd been putting these off. I was scared to even look (again, I'm working through this fear). But the other day, I sat myself down and decided I would just do one thing – sort out times on my planner. As I did, I could feel the anxiety start to dissipate. I worked through the times and realised I knew what time I needed to book The Summit for. So I booked it. And you know what? I felt so fucking proud of myself. And here's the thing – I carried on and booked the taxis too! --- ## The reality vs. our anxiety Now, the thing is, in today's world, none of this is difficult to do. But we can get so worked up. Anxiety steps up. Telling us all the things that could go wrong. All the consequences. All the different versions (none of them good). --- ## So what have I learned from this? ### 1. Stop with the procrastifuckery In my world, it's no longer 'procrastinating'. Thanks to Pippa Parfait, I've adopted the term *'procrastifuckery'*. Which I guess means that I am a *'procrastifucker'*. And I need to stop with all the *'procrastifucking'*. Putting things off really doesn't help. It only builds the stress and leads to sleepless nights. But know this – it's never as bad as the anxiety in your head. The voices in my head tell me some bullshit over and over and over. And you know what? When I actually do 'the thing', whatever it is, it's never like it is in my head. ### 2. Take the first step Just one small thing is all it takes to get started. Yet all we can think about is the great big huge mammoth of a task in front of us. But how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time (sort of). > *Note: I really want to write "you start at the anus".* > > *I watched a documentary with my husband where hyenas were eating an elephant carcass and apparently, if you want to eat a whole elephant, you start at the anus!* > > *Who knew!* *So now whenever anyone asks "how do you eat an elephant"?* *That's our reply!* Anyway, what I mean is you need to start small. Set a timer for 5 minutes. And you just need to do something for 5 mins. But I can guarantee that 99.9999% of the time, you will do much more than that (see next point). ### 3. Ride the wave of momentum I heard Laura Robinson talk about *riding the wave of momentum* and I loved that idea. Because actually, getting started is the hardest part. So once I have started, once I can feel that excitement, I am going to continue to ride that wave of momentum and do as much as I can now. Because this excitement is here. And I'm ready to do the work. ### 4. Celebrate every small win We're a fist-bumping, high-fiving, hell-yeah shouting family (we also hug – lots!). So we celebrate. And *celebrating the small tiny wins, the teeny steps forward*, can help. Even emailing the hotel was a *'hell yeah'*. And I was so fricking proud of myself for booking The Summit. I felt proud because I'd done something I'd been avoiding. To other people, this might appear trivial. But to me, these were a big fucking deal. And I'm going to celebrate every single small win I have. --- ## Final thoughts I used to feel shame around feeling such big emotions around small tasks. That everyone else could cope with shit, so there must be something wrong with me because I struggled. But you know what? Fuck everyone else. I am me. I walk around with my friend anxiety daily. And *that's ok.* *We've become friends.* She's there to keep me safe. And she's done a fucking great job so far. But sometimes, I need to sit her down next to me. And reassure her that *'we've got this'*. Sometimes she argues back. But most of the time, when I reassure her, when I take action, she's happy. And we high-five to our wins. Because they all matter – *even the teeny tiny ones.* So here's to conquering our fears. One small step at a time. We've got this!