# People in your life ##### Untangling Pain ---  --- ## tl;dr - People can be DIMs when they doubt, judge, gaslight, or make you feel inadequate. - People can also be SIMs when you feel heard, supported, and safe with them. - The same person can change from a DIM to a SIM when communication and behaviour change. - Think about friends, family, health professionals, teachers, and the people you see online. - Write down your safe people and notice who helps you feel more like yourself. > [!abstract]- Transcript > > People in your life. There are DIMs and there're SIMs when it comes to people in your life. For example, DIMs. People who think I'm faking my pain, supervisor at work. This was one of my clients. So that was a big dim for her. She was so concerned that even just speaking to her supervisor at work created this dim because she was so afraid that they thought she was faking her pain. > > So that person became a massive dim for her in her life. Health professional who gaslights me. So again, that was another client. This was probably not just her, but a lot of women go through this. We have people who gaslight us, who tell us it's in all their head and there's nothing wrong with us, and all the rest of it, and it's bullshit. > > So somebody who gaslights you, they're a massive dim in your life, aren't they? > > Social media people. So I've put this on there as mine. I've actually put it on there as mine when it comes to body image. Remember, DIMs and SIMs are not just related to pain, they're related to anything that sets off that fight or flight response. > > And that feeling that something's wrong, that just, oh, it's just not a nice feeling. And there are certain people on social media that make me feel not good enough when it comes to my body, and that's a whole different story. > > But they are people that I do not want in my life. So. I will be looking at getting rid of these social media people, not literally getting rid of them obviously. But getting rid of these social media people from my own personal life and making sure they're not even part of it. > > People in your life, which is a dim I've got husband down there. This is not mine. This is actually a client of mine. Husband tries to help all the time. And actually she did put the husband as a sim as well. So what she was finding when it came to her pain he was trying to help her and it was making her feel inadequate and not good enough. > > And this would then, create that feeling that things were wrong in her life and she didn't like that and her nervous system didn't like this. But then though, he actually became a SIM later on when she spoke to him when she communicated and he then became a sim. > > So again, it can be a DIM and a SIM. It's all about context. > > SIMs friends who support me. Absolutely. People in your life, friends, family who support you, make you feel safe. Absolutely. > > Sarah Keates Andrews. So I've put myself down. I hope you don't mind, but I'm hoping that I am somebody who creates a safety in you. > > And this was one of my clients in fact actually, who this is multiple clients I've actually had put down. Maybe because I was doing the writing at the time and I wrote it down, but whatever. But helping them understand their pain, helping them identify their DIMs and their SIMs. I was able to make them feel safe and to know that there was no judgment, that, if anything happened or whatever was going on in their life, they could talk to me. > > And I made them feel safe. And I'm hoping that's what I'm doing with this course for you. Obviously it might not be me, but there might be somebody else in your life. Who you can write down. Who makes you feel safe? Who is it? Who's your special person that makes you feel safe? So write their name down as a sim. > > My yoga teacher. So again, that was a client of mine. And again, yoga teacher, dance teachers, they were all coming out of the woodworks over the years of who creates a safety in me. So write down your list. Who are the people in your life, the ones that create that danger in you, and the ones that create more of a safety feeling for you. Next lesson → [[Untangling Pain – Module 4 Lesson 06 – Things happening in your body|Things happening in your body]] %% ## ![[Meta/01 Attachments/Untangling Pain Attachments/Image (29).png|Image.png]] --- ## Watch the lesson ## Extra ## Version 1: Full DIMs and SIMs in Your Life There are DIMs and there are SIMs when it comes to people in your life DIMs: People Who Create Danger People who think I’m faking my pain — supervisor at work This was one of my clients She was so concerned that even just speaking to her supervisor at work created this DIM because she was so afraid they thought she was faking her pain That person became a massive DIM for her in her life Health professional who gaslights me That was another client Probably not just her — a lot of women go through this We have people who gaslight us, who tell us it’s all in our head and there’s nothing wrong with us, and all the rest of it, and it’s bullshit Somebody who gaslights you — they’re a massive DIM in your life, aren’t they? Social media people I’ve put this on there as mine when it comes to body image DIMs and SIMs are not just related to pain, they’re related to anything that sets off that fight or flight response That feeling that something’s wrong, that just — oh, it’s just not a nice feeling There are certain people on social media that make me feel not good enough when it comes to my body That’s a whole different story They are people that I do not want in my life I will be looking at getting rid of these social media people — not literally getting rid of them obviously — but getting rid of these social media people from my own personal life and making sure they’re not even part of it Husband This is not mine, this is actually a client of mine Husband tries to help all the time She did put the husband as a SIM as well When it came to her pain, he was trying to help her and it was making her feel inadequate and not good enough This would then create that feeling that things were wrong in her life and she didn’t like that and her nervous system didn’t like this SIMs: People Who Create Safety He actually became a SIM later on when she spoke to him, when she communicated, and he then became a SIM It can be a DIM and a SIM — it’s all about context Friends who support me People in your life — friends, family who support you, make you feel safe Absolutely Sarah Keates Andrews I’ve put myself down — I hope you don’t mind I’m hoping that I am somebody who creates a safety in you This was one of my clients — in fact actually, this is multiple clients I’ve had put down Maybe because I was doing the writing at the time and I wrote it down, but whatever Helping them understand their pain Helping them identify their DIMs and their SIMs I was able to make them feel safe To know that there was no judgment That if anything happened or whatever was going on in their life, they could talk to me I made them feel safe I’m hoping that’s what I’m doing with this course for you Obviously it might not be me There might be somebody else in your life who you can write down Who makes you feel safe? Who is it? Who’s your special person that makes you feel safe? So write their name down as a SIM My yoga teacher That was a client of mine Yoga teacher, dance teachers — they were all coming out of the woodworks over the years Of who creates a safety in me Write down your list Who are the people in your life — the ones that create that danger in you, and the ones that create more of a safety feeling for you ⸻ Resources or Mentioned DIMs (Danger In Me) SIMs (Safety In Me) Sarah Keates Andrews Yoga teacher Dance teachers %%