# Things you do & things you say ##### Untangling Pain ---  --- ## tl;dr - Things you do can be DIMs, such as avoiding movement from fear or staying up late, or SIMs, such as dancing, resting, and learning about pain. - Things you say matter too: “I’m broken” and “it will always be this way” can reinforce danger. - Try words that create safety, such as “I understand what is happening” and “things can change”. - Notice which actions and phrases actually help your body feel safer, rather than using someone else’s list. - Small daily changes in what you do and say can add more SIMs to your life. > [!abstract]- Transcript > > Starting off with things that you do. For DIMs, the things that you do that might create a danger in you that might activate that nervous system. And that alarm system. And we're looking at the SIMs, that safety in you the things that you do that reinforce safety. > > For these examples, DIMs are avoiding moving because I'm scared of the pain. That's gonna reinforce that danger in you. > > Taking painkillers even when I'm not in pain. Again, that can reinforce that danger in me. > > Housework. Maybe hoovering is one thing that creates that danger in you. So it might flare up your pain. So that is something that we may identify as a dim. > > Or going to bed late. We already know sleep is really important. So is it that when you go to bed late, that is then creating that dim, that danger in me when we're doing that? > > Moving on to the SIMs, the things that we do that might create a safety in me is maybe learning about your pain and what is really going on. I know for so many of my clients over the years, this has been a really big one. So even just learning about pain, learning that the pain is not equal to the damage, especially in chronic pain, so that is a big sim. > > The more we can reinforce that safety in me, the more we know and understand that again, creates that sim. > > Dancing in the kitchen. So this is actually one of mine. When my body feels not safe and when things are going on and I feel overwhelmed and I feel that my body has too many DIMs. Dancing in the kitchen is a big sim for me. It's a way for me to calm my nervous system. > > Grounding exercises, breathing another sim for me. It's why yoga and breathing techniques are so important because reinforces that safety in me and helps to calm the nervous system. > > I am prioritizing my health, especially sleep and hydration. So this is one of mine. So sleep is vital for me to feel good in my body, and when I'm not, my body doesn't feel good at all. My nervous system is so heightened, and that's when I know that I can experience more pain because of that. > > So my health, prioritizing my health, my sleep, my hydration is absolutely vital in order to create that sim that safety in me. So that is something that I can do to create that sim. > > So the question is, what are the things that you do that are DIMs and what are the things that you do that are SIMs in your life? > > Write them down. Create your own list and identify what your DIMs and your SIMs are. These are the things that you do that create those DIMs and SIMs. > > The next one, things that you say that are either DIMs or SIMs. > > These are examples of some of mine and some are past clients. > > Things that you say, DIMs. I've got a chronic illness. That can reinforce that danger in me even labeling a chronic illness. And sometimes it's a good thing, but not always the case. > > So if you feel that labeling your chronic illness creates that dim, creates that danger in me, then maybe list that on your list. So another dim is it's just old age. Okay. It's old age. So we are in pain because I'm getting old. > > Feeling old and identifying that can again create that danger in me thinking that something is wrong. Something is broken. > > Another dim is, "I'm sorry". "I'm sorry". > > The problem is, I think quite often with the words, I'm sorry, is that as women, we seem to say it all the time, don't we? And I think that reinforces that dim. It makes us feel like we've done something wrong. It activates that fight off flight response. Or maybe that we need to put things right and do things differently. So saying I'm sorry, could be a dim for you. > > Another dim things we say, "things are always gonna be this way". > > There's loads of things that we say that create this dim this danger in me. > > "I'm broken". It's wear and tear. I am always going to have pain. It's never gonna change. Bad things always happen to me. > > There's loads with regards to chronic pain, but there's loads in general, isn't there? I'm fat, I'm ugly. I'm no good. > > How many of these are DIMs? Right? > > List the things you say. What are the things that you say, maybe even not just related to your pain, but what are the things that you say that create this feeling of danger in you that make you feel, not good enough, that make you feel broken, that make you feel like something is wrong, that activate your fight or flight response. > > List your DIMs. > > Things that you say that create a safety in me, that make you feel good, make you feel safe. Things like I understand what is happening. So when it comes to pain, I understand what is happening with my body. I understand that pain does not correlate with damage. I understand that I'm just setting my fire alarms off. > > I understand that this flare up is never gonna last forever. I understand that things can change. So there is light at the end of the tunnel and every day slowly I'm getting better and better. One of mine is I lean in to love and joy and kindness. And these things that we say to ourselves, how much better do they feel for us? > > You can see how important the things we say are. And it's understanding it from this perspective, isn't it? That the things we say affect our nervous system, affect the way we feel, and if they affect our nervous system, it's going to affect our pain and we want to be affecting our pain in a positive way. > > So we wanna be reducing the DIMs, reducing the shit things that we say to ourselves, the shit, things that we say about our pain, about us, and we wanna increase the SIMs, the increase the safety, the feel good things that we say and we wanna make our nervous system feel good. > > And again, this can be influenced by the things that we say. > > So write down your DIMs and your SIMs. What do you say that are DIMs for you? What are the things you say that are SIMs for you? Next lesson → [[Untangling Pain – Module 4 Lesson 04 – Things that you think and believe|Things that you think and believe, places you go & things you hear, see, smell, taste, touch]] %% ## ![[Meta/01 Attachments/Untangling Pain Attachments/Image (24).png|Image.png]] ![[Meta/01 Attachments/Untangling Pain Attachments/Image (25).png|Image.png]] --- ## Watch the lesson ## Extra ## Version 1: Full Things That You Do That Might Create a Danger in You (DIMs) Avoiding moving because I’m scared of the pain — that’s gonna reinforce that danger in you Taking painkillers even when I’m not in pain — again, that can reinforce that danger in me Housework — maybe hoovering is one thing that creates that danger in you, so it might flare up your pain, so that is something that we may identify as a DIM Going to bed late — we already know sleep is really important, so is it that when you go to bed late, that is then creating that DIM, that danger in me when we’re doing that? Things That You Do That Might Create a Safety in You (SIMs) Learning about your pain and what is really going on — I know for so many of my clients over the years, this has been a really big one Even just learning about pain, learning that the pain is not equal to the damage, especially in chronic pain — so that is a big SIM The more we can reinforce that safety in me, the more we know and understand — that again creates that SIM Dancing in the kitchen — this is actually one of mine, when my body feels not safe and when things are going on and I feel overwhelmed and I feel that my body has too many DIMs, dancing in the kitchen is a big SIM for me, it’s a way for me to calm my nervous system Grounding exercises, breathing — another SIM for me, it’s why yoga and breathing techniques are so important because it reinforces that safety in me and helps to calm the nervous system I am prioritizing my health, especially sleep and hydration — so this is one of mine, so sleep is vital for me to feel good in my body, and when I’m not, my body doesn’t feel good at all, my nervous system is so heightened, and that’s when I know that I can experience more pain because of that My health, prioritizing my health, my sleep, my hydration is absolutely vital in order to create that SIM, that safety in me — so that is something that I can do to create that SIM Reflective Prompt What are the things that you do that are DIMs? What are the things that you do that are SIMs in your life? Write them down, create your own list, and identify what your DIMs and your SIMs are Things That You Say That Are DIMs “I’ve got a chronic illness” — that can reinforce that danger in me, even labeling a chronic illness, and sometimes it’s a good thing, but not always the case If you feel that labeling your chronic illness creates that DIM, creates that danger in me — then maybe list that on your list “It’s just old age” — okay, it’s old age, so we are in pain because I’m getting old Feeling old and identifying that can again create that danger in me — thinking that something is wrong, something is broken “I’m sorry” — the problem is, I think quite often with the words “I’m sorry” is that as women, we seem to say it all the time, don’t we? And I think that reinforces that DIM It makes us feel like we’ve done something wrong — it activates that fight or flight response, or maybe that we need to put things right and do things differently Saying “I’m sorry” could be a DIM for you “Things are always gonna be this way” “I’m broken” “It’s wear and tear” “I am always going to have pain” “It’s never gonna change” “Bad things always happen to me” “I’m fat”, “I’m ugly”, “I’m no good” How many of these are DIMs, right? Reflective Prompt List the things you say — what are the things that you say, maybe even not just related to your pain, but what are the things that you say that create this feeling of danger in you? That make you feel not good enough? That make you feel broken? That make you feel like something is wrong? That activate your fight or flight response? List your DIMs Things That You Say That Are SIMs “I understand what is happening” “I understand what is happening with my body” “I understand that pain does not correlate with damage” “I understand that I’m just setting my fire alarms off” “I understand that this flare up is never gonna last forever” “I understand that things can change” “There is light at the end of the tunnel” “Every day, slowly, I’m getting better and better” “I lean into love and joy and kindness” These things that we say to ourselves — how much better do they feel for us? Why Words Matter You can see how important the things we say are It’s understanding it from this perspective, isn’t it? That the things we say affect our nervous system, affect the way we feel And if they affect our nervous system, it’s going to affect our pain — and we want to be affecting our pain in a positive way We wanna be reducing the DIMs — reducing the shit things that we say to ourselves, the shit things that we say about our pain, about us We wanna increase the SIMs — increase the safety, the feel-good things that we say We wanna make our nervous system feel good And again, this can be influenced by the things that we say Reflective Prompt Write down your DIMs and your SIMs What do you say that are DIMs for you? What are the things you say that are SIMs for you? ⸻ Resources or Mentioned Grounding exercises Breathing techniques Yoga Learning about pain Understanding pain ≠ damage Dancing in the kitchen Resources or Mentioned Grounding exercises Breathing techniques Yoga Learning about pain Understanding pain ≠ damage Dancing in the kitchen %%