# a woman's wetness does not correlate with pleasure or desire > Another friend, back in college, told me about her first experiences of power play in a sexual relationship.She told me that her partner tied her up with her arms over her head like this, she's standing up and he positions her so she's straddling a bar, presses up against her clitoris, like this. So there's my friend, standing there, and the guy leaves.It's a power play.Leaves her alone.So there's my friend, and she goes,"I'm bored."(Laughter)And the guy comes back and she says, "I am bored." And he looks at her and he looks at the bar and he says, "Then why are you wet?"Why was she wet? Is it sex-related to have pressure directly against your clitoris? Yeah. Does that tell him whether she wants or likes what's happening?Nope. What does tell him whether she wants or likes what's happening?She does! She recognized and articulated what she wanted and liked. All he had to do was listen to her words.[[(Emily Nagoski, 2018)#^19r-v]] > This one comes from a note that a student sent me after I gave a lecture about arousal nonconcordance. She was with a partner, a new partner, glad to be doing things, and they reached a point where that was as far as she was interested in going and so she said no. And the partner said, "No, you're wet, you're so ready, don't be shy."Shy?As if it hadn't taken all the courage and confidence she hadto say no to someone she liked.Whose feelings she did not want to hurt.But she said it again.She said no.Did he listen to her words?[[(Emily Nagoski, 2018)#^7wv9z]]