# Recognising and Healing Everyday Stresses
I read Try Softer by Aundi Kolber a few years ago, and one gem I found was about understanding little t traumas.
We all know about big T traumas. The trauma that results from a traumatic event. One that overwhelms a person's nervous system and their ability to cope.
Most of us also know that when this happens, the body is unable to process the stress or event. As a result, the disturbing experience becomes "stuck" in the person's nervous system.
Hence why there is so much focus on helping people process these experiences. We need to help process them. To help people move on. Those Big T traumas need dealing with.
But what about the little t traumas? The ones that result from events that we would not normally consider catastrophic.
I think of little t's as the day-to-day stresses that we are unable to process.[^1] The ones that we still need to [[Completing the Cycle|complete the cycle with]].
On the surface, they may not appear important enough to make a difference. And yet, they can still overwhelm or seriously challenge a person's ability to cope.[^2] Kolber's analogy helps us see where little t's come in.
We can think of Big T trauma as someone with a deep knife wound. They need immediate help. Obviously.
On the other hand, we can think of little t trauma as someone who gets a paper cut. One paper cut might hurt, but it won't necessarily stop that person from living. They don't need any help, right?
But what happens if she keeps getting paper cuts? Over and over and over. Multiple paper cuts day in and day out.
Someone who suffers like this may end up with a million paper cuts. Does she need help now?
Hell freaking yes, she does.
Little t traumas might appear insignificant on the surface. But the truth is they can significantly affect our nervous system, our ability to cope and ultimately our lives if we do not process them.
So again, just because something isn't a major traumatic event doesn't mean we're not in pain. It doesn't mean we're not suffering.
Sometimes, we need help. Even if it's only for a papercut.
[^1]: I have also seen little t traumas develop from relationships. Words hurt. Especially when they happen over and over and over again.
[^2]: It's not about the event (the stressor), by the way. It's about the individual reaction or response. What might be traumatic or stressful to one person may not be to another. And this can change over time.