# How Do You Find Balance After So Many Years of Ignoring It?
Nutrition is one of the most important things we can look at to help our health, hormones and symptoms. No shit, right!
Obviously, it's not the only one; stress, sleep and exercise all play a part.
But whilst those other aspects have become non-negotiable in my own life, nutrition has been completely ignored.
So why is this? Especially as my background is in health, fitness AND nutrition.
Because I'm so fucking scared.
In the last five years, my relationship with food has settled to the point that you would never have thought that I previously had an eating disorder.
But that was the case for years— not just a few years, decades.
Compulsive weighing and measuring.
Working with diet and nutrition was just part of the job. And yet, whenever I worked with women to help them with their nutrition, I would fall back into my obsessive ways.
I felt like a fraud. How could I help women if I couldn't even help myself?
I was a health professional, yet I was living a lie. It was never about health. It was always about weight loss - by whatever means necessary. The shame I felt was unbearable.
So I stepped back.
I stopped working with women on their nutrition, especially the ones who wanted to lose weight.
And instead, I worked on improving my own relationship with food.
Something that took so much energy, patience, and self-compassion.
Something that I knew I couldn't do whilst I was helping women with their journey.
After years of 'self-help', I'm in a really good place with my body and food.
And yet, I realise my nutrition desperately needs work right now. I eat way too much sugar and processed foods.
I know just how much they impact my hormones, sleep, and symptoms. And for someone with a history of PCOS and thyroid issues, I know this is a priority.
But I'm so fucking scared. I'm afraid to make it a focus, to have to think about it again.
So, how do you improve your nutrition when you have a long history of eating disorders? How do you do this without relapsing into old ways?
This is me thinking out loud right now, by the way.
Because I know this is something I need to address. It's something I need to learn. Not just for myself but for many other women in the same position. Because I know they're out there.
And so that is a challenge I am setting myself. To figure out how to improve my nutrition without relapsing into old ways, my old way of thinking.
So, if you have any advice, I'd love to hear it.
And if you're in the same boat right now, I see you. I see you!