# 7 Steps to Navigate Work-Life Balance as a Working Mum ##### Making space for your own dreams while caring for the people you love  --- For the last 13 years, I have been Dexter’s mum. For the last 10 years, I have been Morgan’s mum. For the last 19 years, I have been James’ wife. This is my Family. And to say they mean everything to me is an understatement. I want to look after my Family. I want my boys to grow up knowing I was always there for them. That I was a supportive mum. That I loved them. And that I helped them achieve what they wanted in life. But I’m also my own woman. I have hopes and dreams and goals for myself, too. So, I don’t want to lose myself along the way while I support my family. I don’t want to forget about my ambitions and dreams. This is a conversation I have had with so many women lately. About how we achieve what we want while balancing our family commitments. Because it’s difficult. I mean, really frickin’ difficult. So how do we do it? How do we balance working towards our goals with caring for our Family? Here are 7 steps that have helped me along the way. --- ## Step 1: identify what you want I know this sounds strange. You know what you want already, right? But do you really know what you want? I mean, what you really, *really* want? *(And if you didn’t answer with “I really, really, really wanna zigazig ah”, then I’m afraid we can no longer be friends. Just kidding!)* But seriously, the reason I ask this is for 2 reasons. Firstly, how many of us are working towards goals that no longer serve us? I sat down and journaled about this myself (yes, I do the work, too). And I realised that so many of my goals, ambitions, and aspirations were what 20-year-old Sarah was working towards. They are not what 41-year-old Sarah wants. They were things I had been working towards for years. And I still thought I wanted them. But I was wrong. I had to let go of many of the goals I had been pursuing because I had changed. And what I wanted had changed, too. I just didn’t realise it until I made my list. Secondly, how many of us are climbing someone else’s ladder? Some of our goals are other people’s goals that we think we should pursue. We look at social media and see so many people achieving so many big things in life. And we’re like – *“Yes, that’s what I want too!”.* So we end up climbing somebody else’s ladder. When, in fact, their goal is not our goal. We are just comparing ourselves. Believing what they have made something of themselves. So if we achieve that thing – we will have ‘made it’ too. But it’s not really what we want to spend our precious time pursuing. Again, when writing my own list, I realised that some of my goals weren’t mine after all. *And I needed to let them go.* --- ## Step 2: identify your priorities This might sound the same, but I promise you it’s not. If identifying what you want leaves you with a long list, you must decide what to focus on now. After all, apart from our own beliefs, there are usually not many things that hold us back from achieving our goals. We can pretty much do everything that we want to do. But we can’t do everything all at once. We definitely overestimate what we can achieve in a day. Which means we need to prioritise. So, how do we do this when everything feels important? One way is to decide what this ‘season’ of life for you is about. For example, let’s say your goals are to - run a marathon - write a novel - start a business - and travel for six months. Sounds great. But how many of us can do them all at the same time? So, if running a marathon is your goal? Maybe this is the season right now to focus on training. All the other goals can wait for now. --- ## Step 3: communicate with your family Now, we need to communicate what we want with those around us. With the people who matter most. And be honest with them. We must let them know this goal or focus is important to us. And we need to explain *why* it’s important. We need to ask for their support. And we need to explain how our working towards this goal will benefit them in the long run. Because if we sit down and have a serious conversation, our loved ones will probably be concerned (how often do we have serious conversations?). And with concern comes fear. With fear comes criticism. With criticism comes negativity. And we don’t want that. So we need to be honest. Explain why this matters to us. And we need their support. --- ## Step 4: delegate responsibilities There is so much we have to do to look after a household. But if you have Family, then you have a team to help you, right? Remember, it is not your responsibility to do everything for everyone. Sometimes, you need to get others to help out. You need them to do their jobs... - to do their own washing - tidy their own rooms - help with the dishes. Delegating these responsibilities doesn’t make you a bad mum. It makes you a great mum. For teaching your children how to look after themselves, how to do their own jobs at home, and how to help out. I’ve come across so many adults who were not taught this as children. So do not think that you are a bad parent for delegating responsibilities. You are not. --- ## Step 5: organise your time It’s all well and good having a goal. But if we don’t have the systems in place to actually work on it, then we’re never going to get there. So, if we’re going to achieve our goals, we need to make time to work on them. We need to keep a calendar, a planner, or a diary. And what happens when we can’t find the time? We make it. If pursuing our goal is important to us and a priority right now, then we will make time. This means we may need to say no to something else to say yes to our goal, which brings me to the next step. --- ## Step 6: establish boundaries When we have limited time to work on our goals, it’s important to set boundaries. The problem? Many people think that setting boundaries means we are selfish. We’re not. Setting boundaries allows us to communicate our needs and be clear about our values. It’s a way to prevent feeling overwhelmed and resentful when someone crosses the line or takes advantage of us. There are two parts to setting boundaries. Firstly, we need to communicate our needs *(see step 3)*. People cannot assume our boundaries. And telling people what we need leaves no room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation. *(Again, you can see why step 1 is so freakin important. How can we tell someone what we want if we don’t get clear on that ourselves?)* The second step is that we need to take action. If our boundary is being violated, we need to reinforce it. We need to let people know we are serious. And we need to *keep* reinforcing. People will test our boundaries. Over, and over, and over again. Get used to it. And get used to reinforcing. And remember, you don’t need to explain why you don’t have time to help someone with their goal. No is a complete sentence. --- ## Step 7: be flexible We can plan and plan and plan. But sometimes – life is all about interruptions. I’m not on about interruptions from a lack of boundaries. I’m on about the interruptions that we cannot help... - our child gets sick, - the car breaks down, - shit happens! And when it does? We can get mad about it. Or – we can use this time to practice patience. And the art of surrender. As they say in Frozen, “let it go”. Or my preference is to “put it in the Fuck-It Bucket”. Sometimes, we can’t help when life gets in the way. So we might as well just go with it. It’s all about ebb and flow. --- ## Final thoughts We have covered seven steps to balancing personal goals with family commitments. But if I’m honest, it all starts with the first one – identifying what we want. And it’s not just about what we want to achieve. But what we want our life to look like, to feel like. So make a list. Revise it a dozen times. Revise it again. And again. Because once we understand what matters to us and what we want – the rest becomes *much* easier.