Let me guess…
No matter what you do it just feels like it’s not good enough. And if anyone does tell you that you are doing great, well, they don’t know what they’re talking about.
You’ll know you’ll never measure up. And any day now, everyone will see you for the failure that you are, for the mess that your life is in.
Any day now people will find out just how much you’re forgetting, how much you’re not getting done, how you are not good enough .
They will see how much of a failure and a fraud you are.
That’s how you feel, anyway.
You scroll through other women’s social media feeds and feel crushed at how well they are doing and how little you have to offer the world.
You wonder why you even bother. Then head to the kitchen to fill that hole that you’re now feeling, deep inside.
You scroll again and see that all other women out there are nailing this thing called life.
They’re spinning all their plates. Family. Work. Relationships. Friends. Fitness. Health. You name it and they are spinning that plate. And not a single one is falling and smashing on the ground (unlike yours!)
Oh, and they’re doing it all with a smile on their face and perfect hair and make up. Just to add to your pain!
You look at them and wish for once you had it all together, just like they do.
You wish for once you could keep even just one plate spinning and not feel like you’re on a hormonal rollercoaster all of the damn time.
You wish, that for once, you could feel happy with what you have and what you do. And who you are.
Here’s A Secret …
Those women you admire? They feel the exact same way.
Even the perfect ones that you think have their life figured out, still feel like they’re failing. And maybe even more so.
Because trying to be perfect all the time, trying to Superwoman every damn day is exhausting!
They feel just as much as a failure and a fraud as you do. I guarantee that!
So why is this?
Why Do We Feel We’re Failing All the Frickin’ Time?
Firstly, we have nobody around to tell us we’re doing a great job.
We do what we do, thinking that more is better, with the only feedback we have coming from our inner critic. Which means that we start second-guessing our ability.
We have nobody to discuss our doubts with. So instead we become locked into internal conversations with the voice inside our head which gets louder and louder.
Secondly, we compare ourselves with those perfect images we see on a screen.
No wonder we feel like we don’t measure up!
This then leads us to create standards for ourselves that not only do not exist, but are detrimental to our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.
After all, we are comparing our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.
We don’t see, feel or think what other women do inside themselves. We just see what they want us to see.
That woman that we pass in the stress, the one dropping her kids off at school before heading to work, seems like she has everything in place. Everything she does is effortless. She is happy and successful.
But what we fail to see is how she struggles to keep all those plates spinning, how exhausted she is.
We don’t see how petrified she is that one day, she will let something slip and her whole world will come crashing down around her.
And so she gets up every day and puts her smile back on her face, ready to let us see only the parts that she wants us to.
Because the truth is….
She Is Just Like Us
She is us. And we are she.
We are all the same. We are all insecure and afraid of being exposed as not having our shit together. We are all doing our best with what we have and yet still it never feels even close to adequate.
Our situations might be different but our fears and dreams are not. We all want to feel safe and worthy. We all want to feel like we are doing enough. That we are enough.
So are we doomed to deal with this feeling of failure for the rest of our lives?
I’ll be honest…
I don’t know.
Although we may never fully get rid of it, maybe we could learn to live with it instead. Here’s what I have found has helped me to feel like I’m failing a little less…
1. Surround Yourself With Authentic Women
The first step is to tackle one of the main causes of feeling like a failure… comparing ourselves to women who are not being real.
Instead we need to surround ourselves with women who make us feel that we’re good enough.
These are the women who are real and raw. The kind of women who are not afraid to tell us how much they’re struggling themselves or how how they don’t have all their shit together.
These are the ones that share our fears and frustrations. Where we find comfort and reassurance in each other, and who will inspire and encourage us to be true to ourselves, just as we will them.
So find your tribe that will tell you how great of a job you’re doing (even if you’re not) and how much you mean to them. They can literally save your sanity. Trust me on this one!
2. Remember That Nobody Expects You to Be Superwoman (Except You)
You know those expectations we all have?
The ones for us to be productive, energetic, fun and motivated every single day?
And that feeling we have, that if we’re not this way all the time, that someone will find out? And something bad will happen?
Well, let me tell you something…
We do that to ourselves!
We are the ones that create these unrealistic expectations. No one else.
We think that we need to keep these high standards that we set ourselves every day because others expect us to. But no one does. Except us that is.
What would happen if for once we let go of our expectations ?
What if we let go of the need to be perfect? The need to be someone that we’re not?
3. Get To Know Yourself
As a women there are certain points in our menstrual cycle where we experience a feeling of success. This is where we feel like we have everything figured out. We cook, clean, work, run, lift, paint, sort, reply, talk, play, create, build…and on and on. It’s when we can deal with all the shit that life throws at us…standing on our heads. We finally think “Actually…I got this!”
This is a normal part of our cycle that happens around ovulation (or what I like to refer to as our Summer phase). Then a few days later we enter Autumn (the luteal phase).
We feel like we’ve been hit in the face and the rug pulled out from under our feet. We have no idea what’s happened. Our energy drops, we don’t know what day of the week it is, we can’t think straight and we have no motivation to do anything. We feel lazy, pretty flippin’ lousy and want to just run and hide from people.
Let me tell you….
This is normal too!
The problem is that when we don’t know this about ourselves, about our body, mind mood and hormones, we feel that we have failed somehow.
You see we put the pressure on ourselves to be perfect. To keep going, to push and strive to be better, fitter, faster, healthier, more productive.
When what we need is to know that, as women, we were designed to ebb and flow. Changing like the seasons. Winter to Spring. Spring to Summer. Summer to Autumn. Autumn to Winter. And around we go again.
We were not designed to be the same woman day in, day out.
We were designed to go out in to the world and build and create and work and play, during the first half of our cycle. But we were also designed to retreat and reflect, restore and rest in the second half.
What would happen if we gave ourselves permission to sync with our cycle ?
If we allowed ourselves to be less productive, motivated and energetic when our bodies asked us to during our Inner Autumn and Winter. If we trusted that our Inner Spring and Summer would come soon enough and this girl would be on fire once again.
What if we got to know our bodies so well that we understood what was happening?
Maybe, just maybe, we wouldn’t feel like we were failing quite as much as we do right now.
PS: In the next month or so (I’m working on ebbing & flowing too!) I will be releasing my Online Course to help YOU understand YOUR Menstrual Cycle. If you would like to know more, add your name to the mailing list on my website here. I’ll send you updates. Plus there is also a free download for you to start tracking your cycle today.